Friday, November 1, 2013

R.O.C 5k Episode 2 of 2. Sorry there will be no 3

                           
   All right so it's been about a week since my race. I have  really dreading writing this part because I did get injured at

the event. I sprained my ankle pretty nicely and like an idiot I played 3 softball games and football on it. So I have been limping around going " I don't know why my leg hurts sooooo much? What did I do? I am retiring from psychical activity and just going to fill reedit with shitty questions about the Justice

League movie. WAHHHHH WAAHHH "  stuff like that.

Pretty self explanatory 
  My last post I tried laying odd on. But I am not so good with the math aspect so I gave percents on how I wouldn't get hurt or how I would crush it. Really I was pumping up my ego,  I was going around all week just thinking I was king shit. Thinking I run like 5 miles a day for 5 days a week , nothing could stop me. Well, boys and girls I was horribly under prepared. I got my ass kicked. But I finished in under an hour which is good for a fat dude.
  
 So I only got a few photos of the event. Most of them I put up on my instagram because that's what we do in the 2013's.  Hash tagged the  shit out of them because I just said so. But I wanted to get video but I couldn't because I went by myself. I ran too early. But I had a great time even with all my belly aching. If you're looking for a cool event and also you got a group of friends who will be down for it. I 100% recommend doing it. It's so much fun and you get such a rush after  each obstacle. But let's get to the numbers game.

 The race took place in the Aqueduct raceway and casino in Queens. It originally was going to be held at  Floyd Bennet Park in Brooklyn. It was moved due the government shut down. Which Lucky me because the aqueduct is like 5 minutes away from my front door.

Pretty much 
  So I get there and it's a pretty lively atmosphere. They got a Dj going blasting some tunes, people dressed in costumes, teams doing warm up, old people looking to gamble, and me all by myself an hour early to my start time because I didn't realize that I didn't have to get there that early. let's just say I wanted to get started. Did I look weird standing by the starting gate while everyone was warming up. I felt so out of place that I wanted to go change my start time, drive back, kidnap one of my friends and have them just stand there awkwardly with me. really it would just be for some one to set up a smoke screen while I checked out the girls. What ? Athletic girls dressed in spandex and super hero costumes , its a weakness for me. I see a confident woman dressed as Wonder Woman , Supergirl, Batgirl, Rouge,Electra, Skylar White, it really doesn't matter what character. They put forth the nerdy effort I'm all about it, doesn't even need to be a spandex get up.Just make the nerdy effort and you have me… But I looked super creepy . Just a handsome bearded gentleman. Luckily they started my race group. It was too early and I was having a shitty week for me to talk to anyone. I just wanted to run and go home.

  They lined up 60 of us at a time for a wave. I got up front because the group of teachers behind me were really annoying. There was a good quarter of a mile on a solid pace before the first obstacle. Or maybe more I don't know I didn't have a ruler.   


1. Concrete Standores - I said I didn't know what this was so I think I gave it a 100% . When I approached the standores I realized they weren't concrete but plastic and they were those dividers that like shows put down to set up a barrier. You had to stick to a "lane". I use the air quotes ( Just imagine me talking to you in person and I just used air quotes) because other runners where going over them. I think it was   12 deep and 6 across so there was space or so I thought. Look I was in a groove. My pace was nice, I had a system going over the, ( I'm 6'2.5 these were 3 feet so I big legged it)  until I kicked a woman who was just sitting on top of the standore in the head. I'm sorry that's her fault. I mean , you can't just sit on top of these things when a freight train is rumbling down the tracks. OK maybe I am not a freight train but I had momentum and I have long legs that can't be stopped.

Full tilt Full time 
after running up 3 flights of stairs. Which didn't really phase me because I would go up 9 flights when my pops was in the hospital for a few months, so I was kinda used to stairs. I shot up these stairs like a rocket, why because I came to race. I have fun when I give it my all.

2,3,4. The worlds largest MoonBounce, Belly Flop, Up and over it -  I said I would crush this and I did. They put the moon bounce and 2  other obstacles on the roof of the parking garage. So you could gear down and catch your breath on the run back to the  main race area.  So after you hop through the big bounce and make your way to the belly flop, which is just a dry inflatable slide. Then came the wooden wall which was not on the map but I think it replaced another obstacle. But it was a wooden wall with 3 heights  6 feet, 9 feet, 12 feet. So like a man I said I am going to do… 6 feet because everybody was trying to prove them selves on the higher walls. I mean come on I still have 4.5k to run I don't want to kill my self on the 4th obstacle.

 After the wall you head back through the large room which I think they have conferences or meetings or what ever because it was big and nice with carpets and bathrooms. Fancy shit . Head back down the stairs and right by the race track. Which I think was an obstacle in it self because it smelt of horse shit.

5. Gorilla Bars(Monkey Bars)- This was my biggest concern. I have a bum shoulder so getting far on this was going to   a miracle. When I got to the start I turned to the volunteers  controlling the lines and said " Check this out bro. Quickest person to break their ass in the history of the race" I got no response. So I jumped up grabbed one bar saw that it was a bouncy floor with foam relaxed a little because I thought it was going to be a harder surface. I went one more bar and said " this is far enough" . Splash , two feet of water. To my dismay. Now I had to

run the rest of the race with wet feet…. So I thought.

Like two giant red balls hitting you in the face 
6. Wrecking Ball- I was very clear  that I had a slim chance getting through this obstacle unharmed. I got maybe 10 feet on to the logs or what ever their called before I took a plunge. I just have to say a nice tank of water on a cool october morning really wakes you up. So I did what any smart person would do. I just went  all Michael Phelps and swam to the other side. Only thought going through my head was " Well I am all ready wet might as well go for a swim".

I think there was another infallible slide in-between the wrecking ball and the Tight rope walk.

7.  Tight rope walk - I absolutely crushed the shit out of it. So much so the guy working it said to me " Nice orange shorts guy". With a compliment like that I knew I was cursing like a bawss . Is that how you say it? I should ask Rick Ross.  But yeah It wasn't that tough.

Like this but my own ass 
8. Tarzan swing - Ok So I was very brash and over confident about this obstacle and when I came up to it my ego took over. Now I was gassed because everything takes a good amount of energy out of you and this was maybe about the 2 mile mark. So when I came up to it I was right at the wall. The girl working hands me the rope and says " You'll want to hold up high when you go " but she had kind of an attitude or so I thought like she saw me and my craved of marble and steel body and thought why would such a ruggedly handsome  man in the peak of psychical health compete in this race. So I jokingly said " I know how to hold a rope,  so you don't have to worry about it."  I take the rope and jump off the plat form…. I will never question the law of gravity. I managed to land on my ankle with my entire ass. I rolled, I fucking rolled my dying body off the obstacle. I guess they were paramedics or volunteers ran over to me  yelling " Bro ! that was fucking nasty! Was that your knee or ankle… or both bro?"  I was hurt no question but I have sprained my ankle before doing lesser things but I was so concerned with blowing out my knee and shit like that. That all I could say was " I gotta finish , Let me Finish , I need to finish." They weren't holding me back. I got a pat on the back and a good luck high five and I was back on the trail.

 Now limping my way to the next obstacle which I could see and it looked pretty easy. Or so I thought, the trail made a turn and I was getting passed by 3 bros in ballerina costumes and there was no way that shit was flying in my book.

I got nekkid in the parking lot 
9. Tire Mile -  It wasn't really a mile. It was maybe about 500 feet of tire groups of 4. Before I went through I stopped and looked at the girl there and said " You're kidding me right" I had a lot of  small conversations with the workers. But it was mostly short breathy " Can.. You… Kill… Me .. now" type of conversations. But I went through like fire for the first 200 feet. Then one miss step and I was struggling the rest of the way.

10. Foam of furry- Basically you do a head first slide through a foam filled slip and slide into a pool of water. Best way to do is, go full sprint then jump   and the rest is in what every you believe in hands. It was a pretty long ride so I got to a point where I thought " this should be over so" splat. face first. to the pool. Basically now I am a comedy of errors.

There was a pretty big running space in-between the Furry and the last obstacle. I was able to limp run which got me past a lot of older ladies.. who mastered the Tarzan swing !

So foamy 
11. World's Largest Inflatable  Slide- This was the end of the race and they went all out with foam and photo booths. I mean people where team posing and just so happy. Mean while I am cold alone and broken. I get to the large slide and I have to admit when they say worlds largest inflatable slide they fucking mean worlds largest inflatable slide. I climb up this monster with gusto because I see the finish line. 2nd wind city, I jump off and slide down and pick up speed. I feel like I hit 88 miles an hour. Lighting struck and blew the clock tower up big time. Yes that was a back to the future reference. Did it make sense , No , do I care , NO , is it 2am right now and I am really tired , Maybe! You end in the most foam you'll ever want to see.

           
When I saw left over gatorade in my car
    In conclusion I had a great time. Even with my mishaps. It's a great event that was so well run that I recommend it to anyone. I can't wait for it to come back. Hopefully I will run with at least  one more person.   I feelI would have had more fun. But like I said it was great, i got a cool t-shirt that I probably will wear one more time, I have a instagram full of photos and I have a sprained ankle. All around great time.
All Man. Orange shorts and all 

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