Saturday, August 24, 2013

Hey Internet! See picture below... I'm adorable


 I finally have some time for this. Well, at least a few hours before I have to go back to work so I will try to keep this short sweet and to the point. Though I feel I have made that promise before and have failed miserably in keeping that promise. It because I love to talk , I am a talker what can I say. But None of that shit today. Lets get real for a minute.

 Maybe I could play Handsome Man? 
   EVERYBODY CHILL THE FUCK OUT BEN AFFELCK WILL MAKE A GOOD BATMAN! Now that I have your attention and probably your anger. But I stand by my claim, I have 100% faith that Ben Affleck will make a good, Not great ,Not Amazing , Not earth sharting. No , Ben Affleck in his new mature demeanor will make a good Batman. If the script is good and if  Zack Attack lets Affleck lend a hand. I don't see how this could be a bad movie. If this link to a photo isn't the Bruce Wayne we as a movie going public have been dying to see. Then I don't know what is. You need the Leading man who looks like he's been in a scrap or two. In sad news I had to turn down the role because I am way to handsome. Look at that jaw line. It's like I was craved from granite. Also I can never pull off playboy billionaire. Though I could rock the shit out of playboy hundredaire like it's no ones business. 24/6 355. I need a few days off a year to keep the awesomeness at a high level. It's in my contract.

First batman with man boobs... Relatable 
  I understand where everyone is coming from by saying that The Flack is not a good actor. I sat through Dare Devil , Gigli, Jersey Girl ( which really wasn't all that bad just cheesy as fuck) they were not his best work. But if you are looking at it all wrong He is better then you think . Just like how people looked at 10 things I hate about you for Heath Ledger and how people looked at Heavyweights for Ben Stiller when he did  dodgeball. Oh wait I am sorry that was the same role. How about when Tom Hanks dropped   Philadelphia on us after Turner and Hooch or Vin Diesel was Riddick in Pitch Black, Dom Toretto in The fast and Furious to Xander Cage in XXX to Riddick in Chronicles of Riddick, Dom Toretto in Fast and Furious to the up coming xXx: The return of Xander Cage where he plays Groot the tree guy. Wait that's not right. But whatever, It shows his growth of an actor. And Affleck is one of those actors where we have seen him grow up on the screen. From The Voyage of the Mimi, to School Ties, to Dazed and Confused,to Chasing Amy, to Good Will Hunting, To Phantoms and all of those not so good movies where he took his lumps like a champ and became one of the better film makers in this decade.

Boner inducing logo..
   Let's just remember that this is not a new Batman movie. This is a  Superman movie, well maybe a Superman Batman movie but  possibly the second real step into the Justice League. If we take a real look back at the Nolan-verse. Batman was possibly the least important part of the whole thing. Batman Begins is all about Bruce Wayne's journey to Become Batman for a half hour, The Dark Knight you can honestly say it was the Jim Gordon Joker show and the Dark Knight Rises we saw the hero who was born from tragedy fart around and gave up being Batman because his crush got blown up until John " Robin" figured out he was Batman, oh yeah and so did everyone else. So Really a Batman clean up wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.  

  D.C casting Affleck as Batman is a legitimacy move. Think about it, he is proven  money. Beside all that because of his directing he has become a better actor and really brings out the best in his fellow actors. He saved Hawkeye's (By the way how awesome would that scene be if that was Batman and Superman... except without the goofy accents and they were doing good instead of you know bank robbin') career after the Hurt locker doldrums in The Town, He brought the thunder in Argo, and he was the bomb in Phantoms! He will make umm , umm, Clark Kent actor performance so unforgettable that I will remember his name.  He is like the Chris Jerhico of gritty drama movies. Which is where D.C wants to go besides my previous reservations.   Ok so if that reference didn't make sense to you because you may not be a wrestling fan. Affleck is like hot sauce on pizza. Yes, pizza is great on its own, doesn't really need much help maybe you can get away with some unknown topping like pineapple or chicken. But you throw some hot sauce on that decent slice and KABOOOM   might be a great action movie. You understand? No, poorly worded you say? Well, come on bro it's 2 am and I worked for 11 total hours today.

Bro's day out 
   So there you have it, and with in 5ish paragraphs. Not bad if I do say so my self. Look have an open mind to the whole thing. I don't expect people to agree with me because they were really crushed by Dare Devil. But remember this Ben Affleck is a hard worker, he is a talented actor, he is friends with Kevin Smith and He was the bomb in Phantoms. This is my opinion and I would love to hear yours. So hit me up at the Facebook site or on Twitter. We have at least 2 years before this actually happens so there is a lot of fun discussions to have.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Little double trouble Movie Mayhem going on : We're the Millers and Kick Ass 2


   Past two weeks have been crazy. So much work, softball, getting my fantasy football shit together for the draft, trying to get my miles in and getting a wave of the gloomies all at once has really just sucked. But I managed to go see two movies.  So I guess I will do my thang like I do my thang right heeer.

 First movie up : We're the Millers staring Jennifer Aniston, Jason Su…
Sudekis ... Sudakis… The dude that is banging Olivia Wilde, Emma " Iron fists" Roberts, Ed Helms and Some other kid.  So Jason  plays a drug dealer named Dave who is living life fantastic. Selling weed in Colorado, living in a pretty sick pad, making stacks. You know normal shit for a White Drug dealer who lives in the Whitest State in the whole world. Trouble occurs when he gets mugged by three of the lamest criminals ever thanks to his neighbor Kenny, who by the way steals the show. The muggers take all of Dave's cash and that is no buneo to his boss Brad or Pablo Chacon  played by Ed Helms in his return to comedy. Brad tells Dave he has to smuggle some weed across the border which throws Dave into a tale spin of panic which leads to him coming up with plan to rent an RV and have a pretend family help help smuggle.        Dave gets the help of his neighbor is hot ass Jennifer Aniston who plays an aging stripper Rose who is a bit down on her luck when new girl " Boner Garage" starts working the pole to play his wife, Emma " Break yo face" Roberts who plays Casey a street tough who is a runaway and Kenny his naive neighbor who is just the luckiest mother fucker in the game.  After the "Team " is a put together comedy ensues.
  So here are my thoughts after that expertly worded plot description. It was funny, It was maybe the second funniest movie that came out this year if you don't count Iron Man 3 as a comedy and not as funny as "This Is the End".  There was a good back and forth between the whole cast which added to the whole feel of the movie. Because you can see when actors who do not get along trying to be funny, it really falls to one of them to pick up the slack. It was a predictable movie. But there is enough comedy juice in this movie that will get you through the kinda dull parts. Emma Roberts was surprisingly funny at times. But who ever the kid who played Kenny was top flight straight through. Since it's been out for 2 weeks I really don't recommend going to see it in the theaters now  But when it hits on Demand I'd check the shit out of it. Though if you have access to time travel. Go back two weeks and go see it.

Batting second: Kick Ass 2 staring Aaron Johnson, Jim Carey, Chloe Grace Mortez  and cloven. The  much desired sequel to the surprising hit movie. If you don't know by now and your t.v  doesn't work. Aaron Johnson plays self made super hero Kick Ass and Chloe Grace Mortez  plays down right bad ass Hit Girl. Before I continue I have to tell you that there was on point in this movie where every dude in the theater took out their phone and went to the IMDB app ( which is free BT Dubs)  to do an age check and they were left with the knowledge that they were creeps. So  Hit Girl is still at it while Kick ass has taken a back seat to the whole superhero game.  As the montage continues we find out that Kick Ass wants in and Hit girls guardian wants her out. So a bit of a switch.  So now Kick Ass is looking for a team and Hit Girl is now in Mean Girls.  With Kick Ass's new team we meet Jim Carey who is Colonel  Stars and Stripes who is a former Mob Enforcer turned Born again who hates Cursing, Night Bitch who is a ballet teacher , Dr. Gravity who is Dr. Turk, and a bunch more. While the good guys are doing good feeding the homeless and busting up Asian Hooker dens. We see McLovin  becoming the "Mother Fucker" which is such a good name after the scene that came before it. Is building up his army of racist stereotype super villains as John Leguizamo  put it.
   Now its time for the final verdict. You should probably see this movie.... Like right now. Even if you never saw Kick Ass one. They do a good job of reminding you on what happened before hand so you pretty much know what you are getting right before the meat of the movie. It's a little slow in the middle and you really feel like you are watching a high school drama but then someone gets hit with a sick stick and you get right back into it. You laugh , You think, you feel like a creep and you like this movie. It's not perfect but there is a great photo of Nick Cage in there so it gets a full point to it so it's around an 8 .

 So did I just plan your weekend? I think I did.  You're welcome.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Look at me Talking Zombies before AMC says its cool.


This post started out to be something different. But I stumbled through 2 paragraphs and since I don't want C.M. Punk to hit me in the head with a bottle and give me a G.T.S  because I still am shoddy with the whole Your and You're  situation.


  Honestly this was going to be about how the Big 3( Mad Men, Breaking Bad, and The Walking Dead) of the AMC Sunday night franchise have overlapping parts in their show. Like : Bitch Wife that everyone hates, a kid that you can't really make fun of because of their situation but you want to so fucking bad it hurts your soul, The leading man has one huge vice or problem, that should really make him the least likable character on the show but you find your self rooting for him every season, the supporting male roles are way more likable people then the lead male role, and they all have Chris Hardwick  holding a talk show after. Wow I just save like 2 hours. 

   So now that a huge chunk of time has freed up. I would like to be the first this year to get this out. Well I might not be the first but I am the first on this site and all the other sites that I have looked at.  This has really been a long time coming and I am shocked I haven't posted this sooner. I mean how many movies can I go to during the summer. By the way Coming soon " We are the Millers".  I think I tried getting this out during The Walking Dead Podcasts but those were just a lot of us yelling at Mikey for saying stupid things.  So here it is 

                                                    Setting the Standard in Zombie Plans 
A fairly polite dust up 
This shouldn't come as a shock that I have a plan to at least give my self and a select few a chance of surviving the zombie invasion  . I am pretty sure 100% of the people I associate myself with have a plan of some kind. If the don't well it's to the curb with that jabroni

 I am going to keep it real simple and leave some parts out because worst case scenario this shit  is actually happening and I am totally fucked as well as every single one of you. Let me explain why. Have you ever been to a concert or a mall or a Denny's on a sunday? There are a lot of selfish sweaty assholes out there that will totally fuck up any plans you might have had. 

So many people singing Wonderwall
 There are so many people just farting around everyday that it's terrifying. Do you know how many people go concerts? A shit load. I am going to put a photo of what the farewell show at Wembely stadium for Oasis.... That's for fucking Oasis who really only had 2 good songs in America but were like the second coming of the Beatles over there. I seriously just had a mini panic attack looking at that photo. You think hiding in an abandon whatever is going to matter to that crowd of dead people? Sorry Bro we are all zombies. 

Just keeping it classy 
If there is a shot it could work, I give it a 43% chance considering human error and zombie attacks. It's basically just chill out for the first week. If you know the deal that if it's a hard core zombie fuck show. Just let all zombie bait die off and all the crazy people run out. If you try leaving any earlier  you are a sitting duck if you try evacuating the city with everyone else. Toll bridges on a normal day suck ass what makes you think they'll stream line the process on an evacuation?  So after about a week of camping out in an attic because a basement is like a grave, if you go up high you still can go other places. 
 Right, so hopefully you discussed with a select group of people what the deal is and they also survived the same way you did. Now comes the tricky part. Getting your group together. You should have a predetermined location and if you say " Hospital, Walmart, Mall, Grocery store or even a church"you are a  damned fool and I don't want you anywhere near my shit. Best places to go will probably be small schools that cannot be used as staging/ refugee areas, office buildings , Borders books you know places no one goes to anymore.  Once you secure the inside of the building( stairs and basement are a must) because you have to check every room. Time is precious if the power is out ,so don't get lazy. You have to move you're remaining supplies in. If you were smart you'd have a route planed and on the way  maybe you think about where you can have a fall back shelter or a camp zone where if you go on supply runs and run into some shit you wont get thrown off course like a jackass. Oh yeah and that is one other thing. If you set a watch schedule which you should make sure the person who has the long shirt is well rested.  
  After about a month and a half of just being a scavenger and depending on when shit hits the fan. Normally it looks like spring/summer so you have some solid months where you can cultivate some sort of life. Loot some seed, find a good water supply , and really get into gardening  I hear its relaxing as well as rewarding. So get used to being eating veggies with Rats and birds because you are not going to find that much meat. Unless you live in the South or mid west. You guys are pretty much set unlike us liberal east coasters. 
Goofin around with your bro bros 
  Now Here is a big problem. You are probably  not alone out there and like I said before people are assholes. So You have to learn how to do 2 things that get passed over. Obviously you have to learn to fight and be cool with killing anything or anyone. Come on we are survivors not pussies. No, The 2 things you need to learn how to do is compromise and barter . So much shit could be avoided if people could put aside their ego. That's where the Governor in The Walking Dead went wrong ... besides his fish tanks and shining to Andrea.   If he was more flexible with Woodbury he'd have both eyes, a bigger army, better guns, and his zombie daughter. Which brings me to my final point?  
    Make sure you pick the right people for your group. You mainly want to stay away from assholes and well assholes is the perfect word to use. You want to have an open line of communication and community with these people since your pretty much stuck together for ever might as well be nice to each other. Also you need to have a plan in place just incase someone gets bit because they can really fuck your shit up if not dealt with properly. This is where you see who is in it to win it and who's not getting whats up. Look shit need to get done and your hands will get dirty so there is no room for Miss Prissy and Other names I cannot think of because I am tired. So if you are about to set up your team of buddies or what have you. Make them fill out a quick zombie resume. I put mine here 

                                                               MY ZOMBIE RESUME  
                                                                     (Patten Pending )
                                                                       Bryan's Resume 

  Good evening fellow survivor. I am going to keep this short and right to the point. I am looking to join or start a group of like minded individuals who are willing and ready for a creative and new way of surviving our current predicament.  

Zombie Education -  The Night of the Living dead (68&90) Dawn of the Dead (78 & 04) , Land of the Dead,3 Seasons of the Walking Dead, Abe Lincoln Zombie Hunter, Zombieland, 28 days later  (and 28 days... I love Sandy Bullock movies ) Fido, and  Warm Bodies. 

Zombie Experience -  I played Resident evil 1 &2 on normal mode, I actually bought Resident Evil Extinction and played about 2 hours of it, which lets face it is as far as anyone has gotten in it, Played paint ball a few times and I didn't suck at it 2 times, and I come up with some great game plans during football and I have yet to lose at  this sniper game on my phone. I know , I know amazing but I have more to offer

Will answer Situation examples with limited to no hesitation-I am pretty good at think on my feet sometimes. And If my plan is not good enough, I am man enough to take suggestions or hear what my fellow survivor has to say.   

Skills and abilities-I know a few tricks with cars I.E. Tire care, batteries , coolant , etc, have had a .600 batting average in the bast 9 seasons of softball so you know my swing is king, Possibly the best team player around, Also I am no stranger to taking charge and running the whole show. I am not afraid to make the tough calls. 

Other skills besides previous listed

   - Gifted Athlete ( I run 5.5 miles a day)
  -  Level headed in stressful situations 
      -  Natural Born Leader 
      - Able to communicate with hostile strangers so that we can   reach a reasonable conclusion toissues
      -  Knowledge of side streets and highway exits 
      -  Just an all around positive attitude 
     - I've gutted Fish and I have cleaned throw up... different occasions  

 In closing I would just like to say that adding me to your group and or faction. I do have my down sides which I am man enough to say that I am not perfect as hard as it to believe but I am a quick learner.  But I wont kill woman and Children who are not zombies. If they are all zombiefied they are getting crushed bromigo . 

So that happened. Lets face it if the Zombies came and they had any sort of speed or pack mentality. I am fucked. I am fat enough to know I am zombie food, like If I fall and am swarmed by 5 zombies they are not letting me go. I am like a full fledge buffet and I probably taste like Sizzler anyway. 

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Skin care for men (on a kinda budget)

Hey Bitches!!  Whats up with your bad selves!!!  I know, I have been away for a long time; but guess what its summer and ummm I don't get paid for this.  (tweet my brother @blueandorange17So, how has all of your summers been going?  Can you believe its almost over?  Ok, no back to why you are here; today I'm going to tell you about my facial skin care.  All on a moderate budget, somethings you have no choice but to cough up the cash for, other's well read on and find out.  As usual there will be pictures for any of you that care to use these items.

Disclaimer!!!!  These are products I use, I am not a paid spokes person for any of these companies (unless of course you want to pay me then you can find my contact info down below).  Just saying before I get more comments saying I sound like a commercial.  LOL

Growing up as a wee child, I didn't think much about my skin and what was going to happen to it.  Shee's was I stupid!  So here I am, a 31 year old man dealing with the issues of a childhood, adolescents, and mid twenties damaging my face to the point of no return.  It hit me at the age of, I wanna say 25 (when I had my mid-mid life crisis), that I needed to start taking better care of my skin.  Now like most people I had a moderately rough time durning puberty with acne.  I tried everything available from over the counter, to something my doctor would give me.  This was of course before the wonder of Proactive.  But then I hit late teens and the acne only became an every now and again problem; I thought I was in the clear and all of that horrible pimple crap was behind me.  Oh, was I wrong.  Flash to me at 25 with an oily face and as many pimples as I did in high school.  I was so pissed off, so back I went to my local CVS (those of you who know me know I have a sick obsession with that store) and I walked down that skin are aisle and to my horror looked for the things I used as a teenager.  The horror was the prices of these items I thought nothing of telling my parents to get me when I ran out of them.  I quickly went from name brands to store brands, and I started my quest to fix this mess that was my face. 

Now that you all are feeling my pain, I'm gonna tell you what I started with (experimental phase), and what I am now currently using to keep my face so fresh and so clean clean.  I kind of went up and down the aisle looking at the brand name items trying to figure out what I was gonna use.  On closer inspection, I noticed that all the store brands said to compare to  XYZ name brands, so being an "informed" shopper (cheap) I did.  Finally, I settled on CVS brand acne face wash, which I still use till this day.  As time went on my acne decreased but I was still an oily mess; so I thought I needed something else, and that something else turned out to be exfoliation.  Back I went to my favorite store in the whole world (again I'm totally serious) and picked up CVS brand exfoliating face wash.  In my trail and error phase of skin care, I made a pretty big error and exfoliated everyday.  That handled my my oil problem and kind of left my skin very dry, with patches of scaly skin.  Then came the joy of finding a moisturizer.  Both of these products usually run about $4-5 each, but with my card they usually are buy one get one half off, so I stock up then.

Now that my skin was peeling off in places I panicked, I called one of my friends who works for a big

name department store that has a skin care line they sell.  This is where I tell you my budget kinda went out the window.  So, he suggested I start using Zirh rejuvenate anti aging cream.  Me in a panic ran to the store and purchased this tiny little tub of cream and let it work its magic.  Within a couple days my skin was nice and soft and tighter (in my opinion).  I of course was then obsessed with this cream.  It runs about $40 a tub, but it lasts a couple months.  Then to my dismay, the store I normally bought it at, and pretty much al stores by me stopped selling these products.  Once again in a panic I call my friend and he tells me that he switched to the LAB line of mens skin care.  So I march my fat ass over to the store and purchase the LAB daily moisturizer with SPF 15 (around $20), and to be honest I wasn't the hugest fan of it.  It felt very thick on my face and did not absorb into my skin how I was used to. I think its because of the sun block, which I know is important, but I didn't feel or want it everyday.  I figured I would go back online and see if maybe just maybe someone would be selling a secret stock pile of my ZIRH cream.  And to my delight Amazon was and cheaper then it was in the stores!!!  SCORE!!!.  On days that I know I am going to be in the sun a lot I do still put the LAB product on because it protects my cute ass face!!

What you say no face masks and or night time products!!??!!  Of course I do.  So, for a long time I was very hesitant about using face masks; but then a good friend of mine put one on my face and I was hooked.  Currently I use a clay face mask with Acai berries in it for calming effects on my face (it's a whopping $4.99) .  I must say when I get that mask on I love it when it dries so much I can barely move my face.  Once it gets to that part, I leave it on even longer just to make sure everything gets out my skin.  I'm not sure if thats how its supposed to be done but thats how I'm doing it!  After all of that work I realized that I probably do some work on my face at night.  I went back to the store to see what my options were.  I spoke to the woman at the counter and explained that I am a prone sleeper (face in the pillow, I can just hear the jokes coming from that one) and what type of cream I liked on my face (see previous parenthesis).  So, the two of use chose the LAB night time recovery cream (approx $20) and I love it.  Its smooth and it absorbs quickly.  One day i was talking to my cousin and fellow N.E.R.D. Melissa and she asked me if I used eye cream.  I told her no and ask why, then had a nervous break down that my eyes made me look older then I am.  I came to and brought myself to my favorite store in the whole wide world CVS and bought Neutrogena's rapid wrinkle repair eye serum (about $20 but it lasts forever).  With in a few days no more bags and my eyes looked 25 all over again.  

The last thing I wanted to talk to you about is the newest piece of equipment that I currently use on my face, and that is the Neutrogena micrdermabrasion system.  (approx $15.99)  This thing is a miracle machine.  Like the box says after one use, you have clearer smoother skin.  It works so well and does everything those expensive machines can do.  I basically use it once a week, I wash my face, use the wand hop in the shower exfoliate, then put the clay mask on, then rinse and moisturize because your face it super absorbent at this point.  I usually do this if I have the next day off as well because it brings up all of the imperfections that are hiding under your skin.  But my skin feels so smooth and refreshed after that, and its cheaper then a spa day.  (Hence budget, Kinda).

Once again I would just like to point out that this IS NOT A PAID ADVERTISEMENT FOR ANY OF THESE PRODUCTS.  So before someone goes, "Oh, this read like a commercial!" it's not.  If anyone reading this wants to pay me for my reviews, please be my guest!!  My twitter handle will be down below.  My twitter handle is not just there for endorsements, it for my readers to follow and tweet me.  I love it when you guys tweet me about ideas, or the fact that I haven't put up a blog all summer!!  I'd love to hear from you guys!!  

 So thanks again for stopping by and reading my blog.  As usual don't forget you can follow me on twitter @bigq1118 on instgram @bigq1118 and  vine once again @bigq1118.  Don't forget to like on Facebook underrated heroes . Later Bitches!!!!