Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Movie Mayhem #10 : Pacific Rim... You're so Voltron you don't even know how Voltron you are.


     And its back. Did you miss this ? Your favorite non discript , red line causing  , wild rant and a half Movie review. The Mayhem returns and this time it's an epic. Yes, the gang got together and  saw another big budget blockbuster.  But instead of doing nothing leading up, no we had softball game before  and  then we went to the  midnight showing. And that's all I have to say about that.

It's like they stole this from my dreams

  So if you don't know what Pacific Rim is you are borderline Amish. Its everywhere but let me explain for your. Pacific Rim takes place in the near future, really anywhere between the years 2013-3999. So watch out because this might be a true story. Anyway, it turns out that these giant monsters or aliens. Whatever I'm pretty sure I fought those thing when I pretended to be a power ranger when I was 22.... I mean 8. So these big fuckers game out of what will be known as the rift. The first one came out and just fucked up San Francisco and it took over 3 days and a shit ton of bombs and other crap to blow it up. It took only 14 months for the worlds governments to get the led out of their asses( Most preposterous idea of the whole movie)  and put together these sky scrapper tall kung fu fighting robots that   work off the memories of the two pilots. Or what ever.  The Robots are called Jagers and we are not supposed to make alcohol references every time they are on screen. We learn that the Jager pilots are like the coolest people in the world until they start getting their ass killed by newly evolved Kaiju  ( which are the monsters I didn't mention that before because I forgot what they were called and I didn't really want to go all they way back 3 sentences). We don't really get a full backstory on the other pilots but they focus on Raleigh Becket played by Charlie Hunan ( my doppleganger) and his brother played by not Charlie Hunan.

We so look alike. In the face/hair/8 pack abs 
    There is a ton of voice over work done in this movie so with in the first 40 minutes we get the full run down of what type of shit has actually gone down. Basically Raleigh is the best of the best and takes 5 years sulk fest building a wall around the Pacific oceans which is a dumb plan but the dumb asses in suits think its brilliant, me I kinda think freezing the ocean would have been a good option.  Since the Gov'ment   pulls the plug which gets Irdis Elba all pissy and he takes the last 4 remaining Jagers to Hong Kong to begin a phase out process which turns out to be the hail Mary play that the earth needs but the Batman movie stole the line last summer. Now since I am about to tread into the spoiler territory here. But I guess I will only quote how the next hour of the movie went. "MAKO" "MAKO "MAKO" "MAKO" MAKO" "MAKO"  "Hannibal Chau  " " MAKO" MAKO" math equation, Charlie Day being Charlie from It's Always Sunny and "MAKO"

  I kid there is like 5 other words that are used.  But I am serious when I say this......

                         SEE THIS MOVIE. IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
  This is a blockbuster. This movie is all about  having the good guys win and the Aliens from the Vagina whole get blowed up. Cliche abound but it's so much fun, you'll enjoy it. It was funny , beautifully shot. Unlike other lesser giant robot movies you actually get to see the fight scenes instead of some bullshit shaky cam spin move with a slow-mo 360 jizz spot every 2 minutes. It's a throw back to the 90's when every thing was awesome and we were all doing heroine. Good times. It is well worth the money. If you don't walk out of that movie without saying " That was soooooo fucking cool" you obviously never had an imagination.

 P.S - If you were born anywhere near 1983. There will be a scene in the second fight scene where they are just destroying Tokyo. So much that you think to your self " wow how much will the insurance claim be on this ?" and Raleigh and Mako are taking on Ralph I think its name was. So the point comes where your mind automatically goes " VOLTRON !!!!!!!!!" hence the title.


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