Monday, July 29, 2013

Movie Mayhem 11 : The Wolverine. The most highly debatable blockbuster this summer season.The Debate? Will it suck


                                      


Back again and with some good tidings. I guess. You all know the score, It's the Mayhem and if you don't know what Mayhem is by now you are not giving 100% in everything you do. Its like Carlos Danger , he gives it his best no matter where he is. Just clicking pics of his junk ,sending it to random hotties, and living life to the fullest running for mayor of NYC. So the whole gang kinda got together for this mayhem. Oh sad news everybody, Jimmy and Melissa will no longer be joining us on  video podcasts. If we ever do them again, not that they have stopped writing with us it's just that they are now key players in the government, so that is all I can say about that.
                                   
   So this weeks mayhem is all about " The Wolverine". We never really planned to see this movie from the start of  blockbuster season. No, this one was the whole " I have nothing to do tonight, so I'll give Mikey a call see what he's up to... Oh Andrew, Nick and Vinny are free to? Lets go check out the Wolverine because I heard some good things. " type mentality. So we all piled into Mikey's car and headed off to  movies.

Cool Concept posters
 Now a quick once over of the plot of " The Wolverine". The Story takes place after the events of Xmen 3 which is a big relief because you're not left wondering what year the story is taking place because the technology doesn't really match up. So Logan is chilling in the woods living the simple life , hanging out with bears and growing beards. But he is scouted out by some Japanese girl with an odd shaped head. So she persuades him to travel to Japan to say goodbye to some guy he saved back in WWII. This is a rendition of a major Wolverine story line. I believe that it took place actually before he was on the X-men and it is actually a key story in the whole why Wolverine is a loner. But they kinda moved things around to make this movie work and changed somethings to keep it all neat. So the story progresses and we see that the old guy offers Wolves mortality which the old Knucklehead has been thinking about hard lately, with all of his wet dreams of Jean Grey.Side not there was a point where Jean said in his dream " I am all alone" and I loudly said " YOU KILLED CYCLOPS YOU DUMB BITCH, YOU LOVED HIM TOO!" but then I remembered that it's Logan's dream and there were 8 people in the theaters. And the story goes on but there will be spoilers and like the 10 before this I wont get into spoilers .

Your face bro... Gross
   So now comes the truth. Did I like this movie? Yes, I thought it was a good movie. I throughly enjoyed myself. You have to go in there with realistic expectations and I went in there expecting Xmen origins and Xmen first class. But I underestimated this movie. It actually recharged my faith in the next Xmen movie. And if you know me, I have been horribly disappointed in every thing that the mutants have put out since X3.  So if you get the chance check this movie out. The fight scenes are cool, the acting isn't over the top, the plot is easy to follow and they use ninjas. So a win all around. We made the mistake of seeing it in 3d. You don't have to there really isn't any effect that is a must see in 3d. Oh and there is an after  credits scene in the middle of the credits to hype you up.


IF you are wondering this is the order from best to worst X men movies
Crushes chicks 24/8 
1. X2-The standard
2. X1 - The jumpoff
3. The Wolverine - the surprise
4. Xmen first class-the lazy prequel
5. X3-Its like it wanted to be the cartoon so bad that it forgot that the cartoon isn't good to anyone older then 9
6. Xmen origins-everything went so wrong with this movie.



Intimidation factor-  1 million

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Movie Mayhem #10 : Pacific Rim... You're so Voltron you don't even know how Voltron you are.

                      


     And its back. Did you miss this ? Your favorite non discript , red line causing  , wild rant and a half Movie review. The Mayhem returns and this time it's an epic. Yes, the gang got together and  saw another big budget blockbuster.  But instead of doing nothing leading up, no we had softball game before  and  then we went to the  midnight showing. And that's all I have to say about that.


It's like they stole this from my dreams

  So if you don't know what Pacific Rim is you are borderline Amish. Its everywhere but let me explain for your. Pacific Rim takes place in the near future, really anywhere between the years 2013-3999. So watch out because this might be a true story. Anyway, it turns out that these giant monsters or aliens. Whatever I'm pretty sure I fought those thing when I pretended to be a power ranger when I was 22.... I mean 8. So these big fuckers game out of what will be known as the rift. The first one came out and just fucked up San Francisco and it took over 3 days and a shit ton of bombs and other crap to blow it up. It took only 14 months for the worlds governments to get the led out of their asses( Most preposterous idea of the whole movie)  and put together these sky scrapper tall kung fu fighting robots that   work off the memories of the two pilots. Or what ever.  The Robots are called Jagers and we are not supposed to make alcohol references every time they are on screen. We learn that the Jager pilots are like the coolest people in the world until they start getting their ass killed by newly evolved Kaiju  ( which are the monsters I didn't mention that before because I forgot what they were called and I didn't really want to go all they way back 3 sentences). We don't really get a full backstory on the other pilots but they focus on Raleigh Becket played by Charlie Hunan ( my doppleganger) and his brother played by not Charlie Hunan.


We so look alike. In the face/hair/8 pack abs 
    There is a ton of voice over work done in this movie so with in the first 40 minutes we get the full run down of what type of shit has actually gone down. Basically Raleigh is the best of the best and takes 5 years sulk fest building a wall around the Pacific oceans which is a dumb plan but the dumb asses in suits think its brilliant, me I kinda think freezing the ocean would have been a good option.  Since the Gov'ment   pulls the plug which gets Irdis Elba all pissy and he takes the last 4 remaining Jagers to Hong Kong to begin a phase out process which turns out to be the hail Mary play that the earth needs but the Batman movie stole the line last summer. Now since I am about to tread into the spoiler territory here. But I guess I will only quote how the next hour of the movie went. "MAKO" "MAKO "MAKO" "MAKO" MAKO" "MAKO"  "Hannibal Chau  " " MAKO" MAKO" math equation, Charlie Day being Charlie from It's Always Sunny and "MAKO"

  I kid there is like 5 other words that are used.  But I am serious when I say this......

                         SEE THIS MOVIE. IT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY.
  This is a blockbuster. This movie is all about  having the good guys win and the Aliens from the Vagina whole get blowed up. Cliche abound but it's so much fun, you'll enjoy it. It was funny , beautifully shot. Unlike other lesser giant robot movies you actually get to see the fight scenes instead of some bullshit shaky cam spin move with a slow-mo 360 jizz spot every 2 minutes. It's a throw back to the 90's when every thing was awesome and we were all doing heroine. Good times. It is well worth the money. If you don't walk out of that movie without saying " That was soooooo fucking cool" you obviously never had an imagination.

 P.S - If you were born anywhere near 1983. There will be a scene in the second fight scene where they are just destroying Tokyo. So much that you think to your self " wow how much will the insurance claim be on this ?" and Raleigh and Mako are taking on Ralph I think its name was. So the point comes where your mind automatically goes " VOLTRON !!!!!!!!!" hence the title.

                       

Thursday, July 4, 2013

The Most American thing you can read on the Most American day in America



Since it's July 4th and I have the day off from both jobs, Jimmy Matt Melissa Dan Ray Parks are working, Nick is taking over Atlanta like Northerns do, Tom is  turning Amish, and Mikey is off to Texas for some Rooster Teeth thing. I don't know stuff kids do. But back to my point I have the day off and I have that wild hair up my ass. So This post is going to be about the most American action movies
                                      
Top 5 American Action Movies.

America. What you fucking do bout it 
5. Die Hard - This is a special movie to all of us Americans. Not only is it a top 5 Christmas movie of all time. It is also one of the most American Movies ever created. Coming out in 1988 which was in the rash of hostage situations, so it was crazy times. America needed a hero and NYPD police officer John Mclane stepped up to the plate and hit a home run. Attending his wife out in LA at her fancy job where they focused on .... Umm... Doing blow, banging secretaries, and building tiny models of downtown LA. Which is always the part people want to rebuild , is it bad? I mean its California I have never been but a place where the sun always shines and where Alison Brie lives there, so  it can't be that bad. But whatever. At this Party John is all turned around because he is seeing his wife living a whole new life and that dick bag Ellis is stepping on thin ice. Then as the party is about to get weird Hans Gruber and a bunch of Germans, a Black guy, long haired asian fellow  and Huey Lewis just piss over everything. Hans puts up the front that they are there to send a message about freedom and how the American Government is out of line.... Bullshit it's about that cash. So  Huey Lewis and the News round up the Party guest except for your boy John McAllen who is about to unleash a world of pain on these fucks (shoeless). I don't want to spoil anything for you but I have to say by the end it shows that no matter how refined and intelligent you might think you are. Nothing compares to grit and balls . Yippie Kay Yay Mother fucker.

American Math equation = Bruce Willis+ guns+ Alan Rickman+ Cocaine+ Carl Winslow+ FBI jokes- Vigo From Ghostbusters 2+ Run Dmc Christmas in Hollis Queens= Reganomics

There is so much America in this Photo
4. The Patriot-Mel Gibson's last real epic before he went all space cadet on us. Just a stellar cast in this movie, a young Heath Ledger who was just at the point of being on your sisters wall, Jason Isaac playing a bad guy which is out of type for him , Tom Wilkinson which this is the movie that began his status as " Oh that guy, he was in a movie I liked, He's pretty good" that was this movie and Joely Richardson fresh from her decade long upgrade at the robot store (look this is a long blog so give me a break) and like 3 American Actors.  Taking place during the American Revolution so really that's  ok but they could have ranked higher if they had Vin Diesel play someone named Wellcot Bennington Esquire the 4th. But that didn't happen, So Mel plays Benjamin Martin who was a big deal in the Franco Indian war a few years back. So when the Sons of Liberty started making some noise obviously  they came to Benji for some help. I don't want to give anything away because I am not like that because I want you to see these movie.  But Heath Ledger Gets killed by Jason Isaac and that makes Gibby really mad. Which leads to some of the greatest battle scenes of all time? No CGI just pure America.

American Math equations = Mel Gibson with a ponytail - Child Murder+ Making Red Coats look like fools+ Being Friends with Slaves + The Berth of a Nation -  Not enough Americans = Give Me Liberty and Holocaust denier eat... Whoa !!! Slow down.

Does this look like the face of a Boss 
3. Forrest Gump- Tom Hanks plays a man you goes through 5 decades interacting with the most important figures  in American history for the 40's-the 80's with out aging after the tender age of 37. Just down right amazing movie. It was Forrest Gump who helped the segregation, It was Forrest Gump who took down Richard Nixon, It was Forrest Gump who inspired John Lennon to write possibly the greatest songs ever written, and It was Forrest Gump who gave the people of America, Japan, Thailand and China another place to eat quality Seafood instead of the oppressive Red Lobster or Comrade Lobster. Honestly this movie breaks my heart every time I watch it. It kills me when Bubba dies because no body wants to have their best friend die in their arms and when His momma dies because having a parent die is the worst thing that can happen to you and she did nothing but believe that her boy was special and did everything she could for him and when he meets his son and finds out that his son is not born with the same issues he had growing up  powerful shit. But I couldn't care less when Jenny Died. Frankly if you think Jenny dying was sad you're a terrible person. She led him on for years, She up and bounced out to become a stupid hippie and then when you boy Forrest starts rolling in it and he makes the news for just being Forrest she is ready to settle for him.  So if you think she is a sympathetic character you're an idiot and you are suspended from Underrated Heroes. Sorry for getting a little real right their but I mean come on.  He's not a Smart man but He knows what love is.

Heartbreaking 
American Math Equations = Teaching Elvis how to dance+ Out running Bullies who have multiple sources of transportation + rocking a sick flat top for 50 years +  Not giving a fuck about the Color lines + being a special teams stud + Being the best solider + Meeting 3 Presidents ( Kennedy, Johnson, Nixon) + Ping Pong Champ+ Shrimp Mogul + Land owner=   American Hero 




In your eye... Hitler 
2. Saving Private Ryan-Boom what a movie. Taking place during WW2 when wars were wars.  Tom Hanks leads a rag tag team of salty American soldiers who are reclutant to go and save Matt Damon because two of his brothers died in combat. With possibly the most intense opening scene in movie history followed closely by "Up". Saving Private Ryan hold nothing back. Just Dirt, grit and Vin Diesel ( who gets snipped for helping a little Child ). Such a great movie and with the last two movies I ranked you would think I am a Spielberg guy which I am not. I am a Tom Hanks guy. Tom Hanks might be the most American American in America.

 American Math Equations = EARN THIS     

Nonstop America 
1.  American Warships - Not to be confused with that bullshit Battleship movie. This movie is pure gold. Starring Carl Weathers, Mario Van Peebles, interchangeable White people and lower end CGI aliens. I bet you thought I was going to say Independence Day with Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum. With that Amazing Speech right  before they fought in the sky. But no, this gem is on netflix and I have to say it has the better story, better acting, and better cast then it's big budget copycat. Carl Weathers is great as angry officer, Mario Van Peebles really hid his sexual tension with red head white lady #1 who looked like she was more into Red head white lady #2  then the Peebles. Overall it is worth a watch and you can thank me later.

American Math Equations= Just watch something else



Whatcha gonna do other countries when Merica runs Wild on You 
  There it is. It has some red , some white,and some blue all over it. This list is the equivalent to swimming in Scrooge McDuck's ( Apparently McDuck is above the whole red line spelling error deal. Either there are people with McDuck for a last name or Apple computers have low standards for the Irish).  Oh here's a bit of Underrated Heroes news. This is our 100th post and my 70th probably. I'd like to thank everyone who keeps reading our posts and I'd like to thank the staff for contributing. Even though we have slowed down I can feel that we are about to come back with some good content. Stay tuned it's going to get exciting.