Sunday, March 10, 2013

Everybody needs a friend

   How does one bounce back after asking some seemingly desperate questions? He writes a tops list, thats how! All right maybe I am not as excited as I should be but I have been trying to think of some good shit to write.
   I have given this idea a good amount of focus and I think it's a little bit different and unexpected from a tops list. It might have been done with different people chosen and ranked differently. Frankly what I am saying is that I might not be original so don't sweat it.

   My list is the top 7 best movie bad guy.... Sidekick. Yes, that evil mother fucker who just annoys you worst then the actual bad guy. This is probably the most underrated character in any movie. I guess they would call him the right hand man, the #1 goon,the second Banana  the Henchman with a name and shit like that. This a true gage on how evil we are supposed to perceive the main villain because the villain has to be extremely evil and just the worst person in the world because how could anyone spend anytime with this person and not constantly punch this asshole in the fucking face every time they open their dumb mouth is a miracle of modern science.This character give the Villain depth and the hero a hard time and when they finally get their due it's just as satisfying as when the main bad guy gets it... Or you can judge a villain on other things, I don't know how you watch movies.

So here we go Top 7 Movie Bad guys sidekicks

7. Bobby from the original Karate Kid. You know who I am talking about. The second best fighter in the Cobra Kai Dojo just light years behind the golden boy Johnny Lawrence. He kind of  looks like a weasel and is laughing like a lunatic throughout the whole movie. But while Johnny is at the cross roads with his morality. Should he sweep the leg or take on Danny like a true karate champion and fight him straight up. As Johnny takes a hack at Danny's wounded knee you hear our candidate from the background scream " Get him a BodyBag!". Then Johnny gets crane kicked in the face. Bobby is a solid pick for the best bad guy side kick because he has zero morals . He is like one of the hyenas for the line king. Just waiting to attack after the alpha takes down his prey... Whoa shit got real there  people.

6. Dr. Janosz  Poha from Ghostbusters 2-Weak Sauce ? Doubtful buddy. There was no one creepier then Janosz  back in the way back. I was terrified of this guy. With the light up eyes walking in the dark , When Vigo shot his essence in his face ( I can't think of the right words so I used ones that sounds like the Ghostbusters gay porn)   and when he was the ghost nanny picking up oscar for the ledge. Holy shit that was some spooky stuff when you're 4 years old. Also it did not help when you mom said to you " If you keep acting up I'm going to get the ghost nanny after you." Yeah my mom used mental warfare on a 4 year old. That's why I grew up so good... Minus the grammar and I don't tan well but I have come to terms with that. But Janosz was a good goon for Vigo but he stood zero chance against the Ghost Busters

5. Major Arnold Toht  from Raiders of the Lost Ark  - Don't know who that is? Well It's the fella in the Hat. Yeah This Nazi fuck tried messing with my girl Marion Ravenwood(1980's). This evil prick always seemed to pop up in the randomness of spots during the film. And In the end Spoiler Alert his face fucking melts off because he looked in the Ark. Like a prick.

4. Theo from Die Hard-Look he might have been the first person in the movie. What I didn't like his cocky attitude. He brought nothing to the team the Hans Gruber put together except a knowledge of computers and even that he didn't know  that when the FBI cut the power it would make the safe easier to crack. But when Argyle crashed his limo in to the get away van and socked him in the jaw I felt closure. The reason I hate this character so much is because during the attack on the Swat team. He was giving up their locations and the whole " And the QuarterBack is Toast!" really rubbed me the wrong way because the police are the good guys... Look when I saw this movie as a child for the first time I couldn't get it through my thick Irish skull that someone would try to hurt the police. And Yes I saw this movie when I was a kid. It was on TBS around christmas and I was 8. Then I saw it for the first time uncensored with all of the blood and cussing when I was home form school after throwing up everywhere when I was 12. I watched it with my mom who said " I thought this movie was going to be real gory but it's cute" after the scene when McClain blew out the guys knees from under the table.

3. Walter Peck from Ghostbusters 1-What made this guy a bad guy? He wasn't working for Gozer , he didn't kill anyone, and He was just doing his job. But he wanted to save the environment... jerk. If you don't remember Walter Peck he was also in Die Hard 1&2 as Richard Thornburg. Peck was a bad guy because he wanted to shut the Ghostbusters down. He will be forever evil because of that. And if you look at the movie objectively he might be the only "Good Guy" in the movie. He was working for the EPA and all he wanted to know is what was the deal with the storage container. But That prick did it the wrong way. Growing up and watching that movie every time I feel sick or down in the dumps I keep seeing how Peck wasn't as bad of a guy as he is portrayed to be. But Look it was Ronald Reagan America that time and the fact that Winston wasn't a crack head should be counted as a victory.

2. Bob the Goon from Batman-Who didn't love Bob the goon? Everybody loved Bob the Goon because his action figure coast like $2 less then Batman and the Joker. Bob the goon or goon with the fedora was more of a glorified extra and not really meant to be popular because I think Burton wanted everyone to like Jokers disfigured girlfriend more . But Acid burned blondes don't sell too well at Kay-bee toys. He didn't really fight he was more of a confidant to the Joker. A guy he would bounce his ideas off of and take constructive criticism from. Psych . Bob the Goon is the only one of the Jokers sidekicks to be in film. I honestly don't think he was in the comics but  Burton's Batman wasn't really based on the comics. I'll prove it in three points : 1. Harvey Dent play by Billy Dee Williams. Harvey wasn't African American, Batman killed like 10 goons, and Batman would never use Prince in his soundtrack.

1. Col. Hans Landa  From Inglorious Basterds - Look if you made it this far you will trust me enough to explain this. This movie takes place in WW2, The Basterds where taking on the Germany Army in Europe, and Hitler was leader of the German Army at that time so in the long run Hans Landa is not the main villain in this movie even though it might seem that he is taking up a lot of the screen time. Landa is probably the most villainous villain in all of villainy ... Yeah I'm sorry  for that it. If you've seen this movie you'd understand why that sentence is the way it is. He was down right amazing and he stole the show from Brad Pitt who is funnier then we all expected. This the second time I mention Nazis in a post. I must think they are the worst or something.

   So that was 3 days worth of typing. Not continuos because  it would be unrealistically long and bordering on the insane. So much thought went into actually looking up movies that had this special character that I ripped out all of what hair I had remaining.

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